2/02/2010

Why Mother's Don't Shower. A Sob Story.

Picture a group of women talking.
They look over at a Mother with her small children, they start talking.
"Poor _____, she was so beautiful before children. Wow, she has really let herself go. It looks like she hasn't showered in days."

There is a reason why we don't shower. It is not that we have let ourselves go, but rather we value our children's lives. Either they are going to kill themselves by doing something while we aren't not watching them. OR. We are going to kill them for what they have done while we were showering. 

This is what my kitchen looked like when I left to go shower....

This is what I found 16 1/2 min. later.


I am NOT joking.

It was Saturday morning and I wanted to take a quick shower to get the day going. I announced to the kids, all of them, that I was showering and to watch their little brother. I suggested he might be hungry so give him a few goldfish. They were watching T.V. so I purposely made EYE CONTACT to make sure they heard me. 

Now, I am a professional. I can shower, shave, get dressed and blow dry my hair in 15min. When you have kids your learn to do this. I am prepared.

I was not prepared for this...
They could not even explain to me what happened. Why was my purse on the floor, why was there smashed strawberries in my purse and why were the dishes under his highchair?
 "Were you feeding him from the frying pan?"
BTW at the very top you can kinda see the red potato that someone thought was an apple. You can see a few little bit marks, then they changed their minds... muhaaaa! Serves them right!

It was a very expensive strawberry massacre. After all, it is January and strawberries aren't cheap. I had a 2 pound box that the older "responsible" children thought it would be a good idea to give the 2 year old unsupervised. Fabulous, not only did he destroy $8 in strawberries and my purse, but he could have fallen out of the high chair. 


Little bugger, look how happy he is!

One of the older children actually had the nerve to say, "at least we put him in his seat, he could have done that to the living room carpet."
That child is grounded. For a long time.



So thats it. My sob story, and my explanation as to why Mother's don't shower. They don't want to have to kill their children.
So next time you see me a little disheveled, just think to yourself...
"What a wonderful, caring, and kind Mother, she doesn't want to have to kill, maim, ground, or otherwise yell at her children."
Do it for the children.
Photobucket

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for sharing this! I was crying and laughing. I can TOTALLY relate! ugh, kids...we love em

Hattie said...

Bahhahahaha! That is too funny. I don't shower for those exact reasons also!

4 BOYS ONLY said...

from one dirty mom to another. I have sooooo been there! My husband constantly asks me "did you even shower today?" ummmmmm NO! and look! everyone is still alive, i'm just a little dirty! if you don't like it, stay away! Remember when you just had one and you could put him in his bouncy seat next to the shower to play and bounce peacefully while you took a nice long hot shower, you peak out at him and he looks up and grins.....??!!!! oh, those were the days.

SunshineofAutumnQuilts said...

Oh my it sounds like your household is like mine! My younger two are now 10 and 12. I can attest that there were many days I did not get a shower till 2 am. I could go load the dishwasher and find syrup run down the stairs, or one time they even brought a bucket of mud inside and created a home for a turtle in the den. Thank goodness it was tile floor and I own a shop vac. I am thankful to hear he did not get hurt though. Too funny. Thanks for sharing. Needed that laugh this morning.

Christy said...

I can so relate! I LOVE how proud he looks!

M and W said...

I love your kids! They have to be the awesomest kids ever!

Melissa said...

I love it! It's like a day in the life at my house too. I feel your pain, but all the messes make for great posts!

Anonymous said...

That is hysterical!! One time..I had a child bouncing in a bouncy seat and one watching a DVD so I could shower...when I came down less than 12 mins later..the baby had blue sharpie Permanent marker all over his face....The markers were way up in a cabinet...so the one "watching" the DVD...was NOT watching, but climbing...agh!!

J. Lopez said...

oh that is too funny! you should make strawberry jam!

Megan said...

I swear, some days I can't even get in the shower until the kids have gone to bed (and are fully asleep!). Ah, the joys of motherhood :)

englandmom14 said...

Oh, this is so true! Another thing is using the bathroom. I don't think I closed the bathroom door for 10 years total (4 kids). The fallout just isn't worth it! Plus, who can stand the pounding on the door with all the "dire emergencies" that take place EXACTLY when you need to use the bathroom (or the phone). Another time to not be judgmental is when you see a mom in a store (dr. office, etc...) whose child is having a meltdown. No matter how she is (or is not) handling it, we will think, "what is wrong with that mom that her child is acting that way" or "i would be handling that so differently". what we don't know is what she (and/or the child) has done previous to when we came upon the scene. we don't know the personality of the child or what the mother has already tried. I learned that one the hard way. as mom's we should always give a fellow mom the benefit of the doubt. i commend you for your restraint in being able to have the forethought to take photos! go you!

~Mo~ said...

wow,I don't know how you do it Tiffany!! My Tifani's new thing is trying to go outside, so she can get grass for her pepe(guinea pig), we put a lock up high, so she can't reach, cause she gets her stool and unlocks the regular door and the metal door!!

Suzanne said...

On the bright side...the bowl and the plate are still in one piece! (a moment of silence for the strawberries)

Mandy said...

Bless your heart!! Luckily I just have one. :) I always wait til nap time to shower. I don't know how you do it!!!

Catherine said...

At least the picture is in the same place. LOL!

Mach Momma said...

Sometimes you just have to laugh.Love this post. You are so awesome.
There are so many instances like this that me and my older kidlets laugh about. Unfortunately, I am the one they laugh at; because of the tantrum I had over the dumb incidents. They love to mimic me...little hooligans.

Anna said...

HAHAHAHA... that made my day.

Liz said...

I can so relate. I'm sure someday you will be able to shower and not worry.

Tonia said...

I showered today. I won't show you any pictures. Let's just say a little one had an accident. In cleaning up the accident I missed my window of opportunity for hair and make-up. Oh well, at least I'm clean. That counts for something right?!

emily b said...

oh man...so funny. I just laughed out loud bigtime. That was a well needed laugh for the day thanks! Sorry our laughs at your expense... but Im sure looking at the pictures now it is quite humorous?!:)

The Wilde Family said...

That is so funny for all of us and frustrating for you! I esp. loved the child's comment of not doing it on the carpet! I have 2 little ones (3 & 1) and I'm always a little terrified of what might happen when I'm showering. The worst/best so far are: I've had the junk drawer strewn all over the kitchen, and the computer keys pulled off of the keyboard! It seems like there was something involving food once, but I must have blocked that out of my mind! :)

Katherine said...

I wasn't afraid of showering with my boys (ages 3 and 5) downstairs until now that is. Now I am very afraid. Thanks for sharing a good laugh.

JHM said...

Thank you for sharing this and reminding us of the joys of motherhood. I had a good chuckle as it brought back memories of my own experience with showering and destruction involving red finger nail polish...

Joy said...

Oh Tiffany, sorry about your purse and the strawberries. It's amazing what can happen in those few minutes.
Little Stinker (s).

♥ Joy

Laurie C. said...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this! I completely understand where you're coming from. I can't tell you how many times I've had to rush through a shower or left one of my legs unshaven because of "emergencies" that only seem to arise when I'm in the shower! It's a good think we love them. :)

Hall Family said...

That is hilarious!! You are so right about the reasons for not showering! I'm still laughing about the child who is grounded! (way to think on their feet! ;)) hahahaha

Ami said...

I love this!!! When I'm in the shower, I'm always yelling at the two little ones to tell me stories or sing me songs just so I can keep track of where they are without seeing them. My long nice showers have basically been reduced to get in and get out. And shaving...umm...what's that?!

Barrett in TN said...

Love it! I pulled up your post and had my husband read it tonight while I FINALLY showered (first time since Sunday!)! I have five kids- the youngest is 2. We homeschool and it is just not possible to shower until Daddy is home to oversee everyone. Or maybe it is just not worth it! I just took a 30 minute shower- shampoo, conditioner, shaving, great smelling body wash- the whole nine yards! And in peace and quiet!! FABULOUS, I tell you!! Now it is back to my life and get the kids to bed. Oh wait! As I type this I hear Dad say to the toddler, "Graham, do you have a poo poo?" Maybe I will take another shower (just for a few more minutes of solitude!)! LOL! I feel you, sister!

Ashlei said...

Tiffany-I am dying laughing! I completely understand. I don't get a shower unless I wake up at 6:30 or wait until the baby naps. This was hilarious! Thanks for sharing!

Kerrie said...

Thanks for a great laugh! I needed it as I sit here needing a shower and my left shoulder smelling of baby vomit
Kerrie

A Musing Mom (Taylorclan6) said...

And people wonder why I look this way.

And smell that way.

Natalie said...

I think it's a "BOY" thing...my little man does things like this ALL the time! My girls would NEVER have done things like that. You ARE doing a FABULOUS job! Since I'm a teacher, I wish more moms were like you. Bless you!

Kimberly said...

When I leave to take a shower, all the doors are locked with the chain on, anything remotely messy or dangerous is removed, the door to my bedroom is locked and the kitchen is blocked by a baby gate that (for the moment) neither my 2 or 4 year old can get through. The only places they can go are the living room, their bedrooms, and the bathroom (where I am). We still have minor incidences occasionally, but for the most part, this has solved the "OMG, what did you do?!?" reactions when I get out of the shower.

andrea said...

When my 2nd child was very small, I came out of the shower to find he had taken a full carton of eggs out of the fridge and dumped them all over the kitchen floor!! Not fun. When #5 was little he would get into all sorts of trouble so I started putting him in his crib while I grabbed a shower---and then he learned how to climb out!! I can relate.

admin said...

great article but i can't get the RSS to work..why ?
cheers

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